The End

Well. I am no longer 42.

I would have written yesterday, but really, I was just too exhausted to think, so I put it off a day.

 

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

A couple of weeks ago it was decided that I should do something fun for my birthday; we settled on Escape Room and Karaoke on Thursday.

So some friends and I went to the VRC where they have Escape Rooms. We were locked in the ‘Lost in the Woods’ room and had an hour to figure out all of the puzzles and get out. There were eight of us. Some of the puzzles were quite challenging, but everyone managed to pitch in and figure something out. We ended up escaping with about 12 minutes left on the clock…with some creative use of a bobby pin! (No, we didn’t pick the door’s lock.)

It was loads of fun.

After the Escape Room, a couple of the guys had to leave, but the remainder of us went to a restaurant for dinner. I enjoyed their Winter Dine selection. It was fantastic. So all of us sat around and enjoyed our meals, drinks, and some great stories.

The best part of the evening happened during dessert. We got a chocolate tart which was topped with whipped cream and garnished with a candied pepper. The candied pepper looked beautiful, but as the waitress set our desserts in front of us she said, “The peppers are hot.” I am not a fan of hot foods, so I set it on the side of my plate. My friend ‘R’ on the other hand, is a lover of hot foods so he picked up the pepper, gave it a sniff, and then ate the entire thing. It was mere seconds before his mouth was on fire, he literally, broke out into a sweat, and he couldn’t eat the whipped topping fast enough.  A few minutes later the waitress came back and asked how everyone was doing and of course ‘R’ asked about the pepper… she wasn’t sure what type it was but went back to the kitchen and asked the chef.

It was a Ghost Pepper. I fucking lost it… I’m sure the entire restaurant could hear me laugh. The absurdity of it all was too much!  ‘R’ popped an entire ghost pepper into his mouth and ate it like it was licorice because the waitress said “the peppers are hot.” She should have said, “if you don’t like your digestive system, pop this in your mouth as it is one of the top 10 hottest peppers in the world!” (Who thinks that is a good garnish?!)

‘R’ is okay.

 After things settled down and we finished up our drinks, we headed over to the Murphy’s Centre to enjoy some karaoke. It was great.

No, I didn’t get up and sing. But I was a go-go dancer for one of the singers, and I did a lot of singing from the table.

It really was a great night. Great to end my 42^nd year on a high note!

Thanks to ‘L’ and ‘R’ for completely spoiling me… really…you are amazing.

 

THE FINAL ENTRY

I am no longer 42 so this is the very last entry for this blog.

I have re-read my all of my previous entries.

What a year. For so much of it I felt like I was on a roller coaster… I would be experienceing some great moments and then something would happen that would throw a wrench into my happiness. And it, of course, happened the year I decided to blog about my year.

For the most part, I have been open and honest about my year. There were a few things that I didn’t write about at all (personal family stuff, some work stuff, and just how much finding out that Ivan and I would have to move again bothered me), but aside from that, I really feel like I have just put it all out there.

Why though? What was the purpose of all this?

That’s a good question… and to be honest, I’m not sure I have an answer for it.

 

I definitely had a shitty ‘personal’ life this year.

It was my choice to end my relationship with Ray, and despite missing him off and on through the year, it was the right choice to make. He and were compatible in many ways, but in the ways that matter most, we were just too different. I didn’t want to settle into something that I’d not be happy in for the rest of my days.

Panda. Well, I don’t know what to say about that which I haven’t already said. We just weren’t meant to be.

This is what I’ve learned about relationships: I don’t need to prove myself to anyone.

When Ray and I were together, I felt like I was trying to prove to him that I was worthy to love…I don’t know if I’m saying that right… I mean, I loved him and I wanted us to get a house and live happily ever after together… but he had so much baggage from his last (17-year) relationship that he just couldn’t take that next step. Ultimately, it was exhausting and combined with other factors, and leaving him was the only option for me.

With Panda I felt like I was always trying to prove to him that an age gap shouldn’t be the determining factor as to why two people should or should not be together. He had my heart, and I know I held his too… but he just couldn’t get past the age gap and so we were not meant to be.

I have learned that it is okay to be picky when it comes to relationships. They shouldn’t be difficult… I mean, of course there will be times throughout the relationship where things will be a struggle, but a truly loving, two-sided relationship should not be difficult.

 

I have amazing friends.

I have spent some of the best times of this year with friends… you know who you are… long-time friends, new friends, the ‘football family’… so many great times. We’ve laughed so hard we’ve cried. We’ve supported one another through difficult times. We’ve shared stories, talked about our kids, drank lots of alcohol, played loads of games. This blog has allowed me to reflect over some of those moments with my friends and make me smile all over again. I love you guys!

 

I did some really amazing things this year.

What I really like about this year was that I was willing to challenge myself in ways I hadn’t done before (or in a long time). I started painting and created some art that I am pleased with; I have been doing a lot of really great stuff in theatre—both behind the scenes and on stage; and I am actually writing stuff that is being published.

My own personal highlight would have to be buying a car. I remember when Ivan was a baby, I was so proud of myself when I bought a laptop for myself. As a single mom, it was a pretty big expense at the time, but I bit the bullet and got it.

A laptop is nothing compared to buying a car. I am not only a single parent, but I am also the sole support parent—I don’t get sort of child support from anyone else… so taking on a car payment is a really big deal for me. I needed a new vehicle, I researched what I wanted, I talked with the money people, and I ended up buying a fantastic car that will last me for years. I have owned it for 5+ months now and have been able to adjust my budget well enough to manage the payments without any hiccups (knock on wood).

 

I saw some really amazing things this year.

Watching my best friend ‘L’ kick cancer’s ass was another highlight of this year for me. I’ve known her since I was four years old and over the decades of our relationship we’ve had lots of good times and terrible times. But cancer was definitely the worst. The night I found out she had cancer I crawled into bed and ‘ugly cried’ for hours…  I just was so fucking pissed off about the cancer, and I was so worried about what the treatments would do to her.

It was terrible. Cancer is terrible and treatments are inexplicably awful, but ‘L’ got through it…. She and her husband, and her little monkey are living their “happily ever after.”

 

Watching Ivan grow from a kid to a young man has definitely been a highlight for me this year. I love that guy… he amazes me. Through every age and every stage in Ivan’s life, I say “this is my favourite time,” and this time is no different.  I am more and more amazed at the person he is becoming. He is strong, and smart, and thoughtful, and he tells me stories that make me laugh, and he loves his family and his friends, and he is respectful, and, and, and…

Ya, I’ve had to be the ‘bitch mom’ a couple of times, but they have been very few and far between. For the most part, he knows what’ll piss me off, so he doesn’t do it!

Speaking of Ivan, I realized just a few days ago that when we move into our new apartment that this will be the first time in 10 years that just the two of us have lived together. The rest of the time we’ve had roommates (or a boyfriend)… crazy! I wonder how different that’ll be?

 

I have always picked myself up, dusted myself off, and moved on.

I cried a lot this year.

Along with so many good moments, I have had a number of bad moments. The hysterectomy stuff… Lemon dying… selling my chickens… finding out I had to move again…

As a result of some of those things, I just couldn’t bring myself to write a blog entry, so I skipped a week or two. But I didn’t let anything keep me down for very long. Sure. Some things have been shitty… but it could have been a lot worse. I’m thankful that I have the ability to shake off the shit and move on.

 

I find myself coming back to this: Why though? What was the purpose of all this?

Still, I don’t know. I know that blogging about my life has helped some others know that they aren’t the only ones who are going through stuff. The writing of this blog helped me learn things about myself: I’ve   learned that I am an authentic person. What one sees in me is what one gets. I’m not trying to appeal to anyone else, nor do I censor myself for fear of rocking the boat. I am who I am. I’ve also learned that I am willing to try new things.

 

Would I do it again?

I don’t know. Maybe?

I do know that I’m not going to blog about my 43^rd year. I found that trying to write a weekly entry was difficult sometimes. If I wasn’t in the right mood, the entry was crappy. Or if I was really busy, writing an entry felt like a daunting task.

So. Goodbye 42^nd year. You’ve been an interesting one full of newness, challenges, ups, and downs.

For those of you who’ve read along, thanks. I’ve felt the love; it has not gone unnoticed!

 

To end… a song.

I mentioned this song in my first entry. It deserves to close the joint, because it is a fucking amazing song.

Week 50-something

I have been 42 for like 50-something weeks, or thereabouts… I haven’t written for a while, and to be honest, I am forcing myself to write this entry.

I have grown tired of my 42^nd year. I tell you, my birthday is rolling around next week and I plan on baptizing myself in booze and starting off my new year with a focus on positivity.

I was doing quite well with the ups and downs that my 42^nd  year had been giving me, for the most part. I mean there have been some rough times, but overall, I think that I had managed to keep my head above the water.

 

UNTIL I GOT ‘THE LETTER’ FROM PANDA

We were very, very close through most of this year, but he couldn’t deal with the age gap between us… it was something that I didn’t agree with, but was forcing myself to accept.

For the past month or so, I had been doing fine. I missed us texting one another, and the phone calls, and the possibility of something more… but I was letting go and moving on.

Then one evening I get a parcel in the mail and it is from him. It included a 5-page letter, in which he talks about how he realizes that he’s hurt me and that he’s sorry and he didn’t mean to. He then talks about how he wishes he could look past the age gap, but it just isn’t something he can get over. Then he says this:

You know that I am a true believer of destiny. Well I know now why our paths have crossed. It was definitely to make my life better. I know now what I want and don’t want… and I have an amazing Grace to compare to. I am very happy living the rest of my life alone if that is my destiny. If I do cross paths with my future partner she will be almost as amazing as you. And I thank you for that.

That, and the rest of the 5-page letter really fucked with my head for a bit. It just seemed so ridiculous to me that I have become the standard by which all other women in Panda’s life will be compared to, and yet, he just couldn’t take that next step with me. Blah, blah, blah… really, it has taken me a couple of weeks to process it, but I am way over it now.

So I didn’t write because I was processing, and because even I am sick of the less-than-happy entries this blog has had.

 

APARTMENT HUNTING

Is also another reason why I haven’t written. I have been looking around and trying to find something that works for Ivan and I, with school and budget and life to consider. ‘T’ is officially listing the house on February 1, and really, I’d rather be out of the house before it gets too busy with buyers checking the place out.

I like to have a tidy house, but keeping it “sell-worthy” clean is just something I don’t have time or patience to do every day.

But! As of today, Ivan and I have our new place all lined up. It is, literally, two doors down the road from where we are right now! Aside from a new street number, not too much else have to change… which is great because Ivan’s best friend lives a stone’s throw from where we are now, he can walk to school, and our routine won’t at all change.

So that’s a good thing.

 

FOCUS ON THE GOOD

Next week I am going out for my birthday. Friends and I have decided to do one of the Escape Rooms and then head over to karaoke. I plan on it being a ridiculously fun time—something that will mark a whole new year for me.

So, until next week (and I will post next week), when I write my final entry for this blog… I end with a song… because I  have always loved this song:

Week 49(ish)

I have been 42 for like 49 weeks, or thereabouts… clearly, I have messed up my weeks somewhere along the writing of this blog (as discussed in my last entry), but I’m not too worried about it.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Yes. 2016 is done. A whole new year is ahead of us. I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. I used to, years ago, but don’t any more…. Actually, my birthday is my ‘New Year’ in that I always take time to look back over my previous year and then see what I could do differently. In many ways, that’s where this blog came from… I want to read over it on my birthday and reflect on the year that was.

 

NEW YEAR’S EVE EVE

Leo Cheverie hosts a New Year’s Eve Eve dance party at the Charlottetown Curling Club every year. He gets a line-up of different bands together who each play one set through the night. This year, because it fell on a night when I didn’t have to work the next day, plus I wanted to get out for an evening, so I decided to go.

I went alone.

I am okay with going to something like that alone… I figured I’d run into at least one or two people I’d know. Which was true. I did.

I only had one beer because I was driving myself and I didn’t want to leave my car downtown. I drank a load of water. And I danced all night! Well, that’s a bit of a lie…. It took me about a half hour to get into the mood to dance, but once the mood struck, I only stopped dancing when the bands were finished their sets.

I am so glad I went! Not only because I had such a great time dancing, but also because the music was just remarkable. I am constantly amazed at the amount of amazing talent that lives on this small island.

 

NEW YEAR’S EVE

I was pretty lazy through the day because I didn’t get home until about 2:30 the night before, but I did manage to put a pork roast in the slow cooker and made some pulled pork. Ivan and I stopped into the grocery store to grab a few things and then headed over to the Hs’ for New Year’s Eve. There were five kids and four adults… we ate, and chatted, and drank (the kiddos had pop… the adults had non-pop). The kids went off and watched movies or something while us grown-ups played games. I love games; I wish that more people enjoyed playing games!

At one point all the kids and grown-ups played a game together, then we sat around and chatted a bit before calling it a night.

It was a great evening that was very relaxed. We all stayed up later than we should have, but hey, it was New Year’s Eve… isn’t that what everyone is supposed to do?

 

NEW YEAR’S DAY

For New Year’s Day, Ivan and I headed to mom and dad’s later in the afternoon for dinner. Of course the dinner was fantastic, but it was also a great way to spend a lazy day with family.

 

THE REST OF THE WEEK

Most of the week was spent trying to get back into a bit of a routine. Even though I did work a bit between Christmas and New Year, I had irregular hours. I could go on and on about being off-kilter because of my lack of routine, but everyone knows what I’m talking about. Although Christmas and New Year is fantastic, it messes up eating habits, and sleeping habits, and day-today routines…. I’m a little glad it is over… it’ll be nice to get things a little back to ‘normal’ again.

 

RAISED ON TV

With it happening in less than two months, the crunch for the show is happening. There is lots to do: coordinating schedules, meetings, getting ad sales for the programme, design of the poster and the programme, getting the technical aspects of the show figured out…just to name a few items on the to-do list.

This will occupy most of my free time in the coming weeks, but already I see so much of it coming together. I am so excited for this show!

Yes, so I fully expect that most of my entries in the coming weeks will be filled with updates on the progress of the show.

 

TO END

With a song. This one… because, I love the song, and I love, love, love and video.

Week 48

I have been 42 for 48 weeks now.

I am confused by my numbers. There are 52 weeks in a year, right? So, I should have 52 blog posts for this year of exploration… there were a couple of weeks that I missed and doubled-up on my entry…

But, 52 weeks is merely three weeks away from 48 weeks… but my birthday is six weeks away. WTF?! What have I done?

Well, I could stress out about it and try hard to figure out where I went wrong and then adjust all the weeks that I’ve miscounted. But. No.

 

DINNER WITH FRIENDS

On Christmas Eve eve, my friends ‘L’, ‘C’, and I got together for a pre-Christmas dinner. We went out to a restaurant that I hadn’t been to before. Some of the dinner was really delicious, some of it was over-salted… thankfully, ‘C’ isn’t afraid to let someone know when she’s not happy with the meal and we were able to get a replacement for the over-salted portion of the dinner.

The meal was good. The company was great. I love those two gals. We always have lots to talk about when we get together, lots of stories and laughs are always had. It was the perfect Christmas Eve eve out.

 

CHRISTMAS

Really, the rest of this week was Christmas. I was ready for it early, which is some sort of ‘Christmas miracle’.

Ivan and I basically moved into my parents’ place on Christmas Eve. We had a great dinner (ribs!) and mom did her traditional read of “T’was the Night Before Christmas” while we sat in the living room close to the tree.

Ivan went to bed around 11:00, mom and dad around midnight, and I stayed up until about 1:30. We were all out of bed by 8:15 Christmas morning to open the gifts.

It was a different Christmas this year. It has never just been Ivan and me with my parents. Usually at least one of my brothers is home from Ontario… and if it’s my younger brother, his wife and boys are home with him. Unfortunately, my older brother was on call this year (he’s a doctor) over Christmas, and my younger brother had to have an operation so was unable to travel—he and his family spent a quiet Christmas at home this year.

So it was me, Ivan, and my parents. Different.

But it was nice. It was very relaxed and laid-back.

And I think that all of us had a Merry Christmas, even though we were missing the other members of the family.

It took us two hours to open our gifts. Not that we had loads of gifts to open, it was just that we weren’t in a hurry. We took our time watching each other open gifts, and we enjoyed seeing what each other got.

Ivan is 13. Christmas is much different with a teenager than it is with a youngster…

Christmas night we ate a delicious dinner, with all of the fixings, including mom’s perogies and cabbage rolls… I could eat those for days!

Ivan and I stayed at my parents’ place for Boxing Day too… all of us were extremely lazy. Like, so, so, so lazy… I don’t think I moved off of the sofa aside from eating, drinking, or using the washroom. It was exactly as Boxing Day ought to be!

We stayed there for the night too…

On the 27^th we all decided that one day of lazing around was enough for us. We all ate, got cleaned up, and went to the mall (mom and dad gave Ivan a hat that was too big, so we went and exchanged it), and after that we watched “Rogue One” together. I enjoyed the movie… not as much as others in the Star Wars series, but I did like it. I REALLY loved the end. Really.

After one last dinner at mom and dad’s, Ivan and I were ready to head home and sleep in our own beds.

Overall, it was a nice Christmas. Relaxed, comfortable, nice.

 

TO END WITH A SONG

I loved George Michael. Loved him. Loved him.

This is one of my all-time favourites of his:

 

Week 47

I have been 42 for 47 weeks now.

It hasn’t been the most exciting week. This, of course, is not a complaint… sometimes it’s nice to be able to have a relaxing week, right?

 

RAISED ON TELEVISION

Lots of great stuff is going on with this project. Early in the week, all of the directors got together (minus one who had a prior commitment) and read through their selected scripts. It was fantastic! We have such a diverse, creative, and entertaining group of directors, I am confident that everyone who attends the show in February will have a great time. We chatted for a while and went over some of the more technical aspects of the show so that I could take that information to The Guild and be sure everything can be addressed.

Yes, so Rod and I did just that. We met with Michelle at The Guild and reviewed all of our questions and had most of them answered. It’s nice to see things coming together.

In addition to that stuff, I have begun some of the marketing things…. logo development, Facebook event page, design for the poster, etc. Although some things have been posted online, the real push for the show won’t start until the New Year after people settle down after the holidays.

I love this project. This kind of work is right in my wheelhouse…. I like having a deadline with lots of pressure to make something a success… completely opposite of my actual job.

 

SPEAKING OF THEATRE

On Sunday, Ivan and I took my parents to see the “A Christmas Carol” (performed by the North Shore Players) at the Watermark Theatre. It was great. Really. The interior of the building is beautiful to be in, and the theatre is so intimate. I really enjoyed how close we were to the action, and how the actors utilized the space (the set changes were so clever!). My parents don’t go out to a lot of theatre, but they love “A Christmas Carol” and both of them really enjoyed the production. Ya. So that was something that I did this week too!

 

FOOTBALL

The Privateers are having off-season training once a month….at the indoor soccer complex in Stratford. This is such a great thing because it keeps the boys in touch with one another when they aren’t playing football, it helps the kids stay fit, AND it gives me time to catch-up with some of the other football parents! There are a few of us who attend all of the football things with our kids, and we’ve become great friends over the course of a couple of years. We always have an interesting story or two to share and a good laugh always happens. We’re just one nutty football family!

If you need to be a part of a nutty family and if you have a child who could do with a little exercise and be a part of a team… might I suggest football? You’re always welcome!

The Privateers are trying to get the city of Charlottetown to build a regulation-sized turf field in town. It’s a big deal and I am doing what I can to support the team. My letter to the editor was in The Guardian this week: http://www.theguardian.pe.ca/opinion/letter-to-the-editor/2016/12/20/city-misses-out-on-football-field.html

I urge you and your friends and family to write a letter to Mayor Clifford Lee to help push this along. The more support the team has, the higher the chances they have at getting a proper football field!

 

READY FOR CHRISTMAS

I am. I think. I have a few things left to wrap… and I have to mail stuff to my family in Ontario (yes, it’ll be like a New Year’s present instead of a Christmas present!), but aside from that, I am done.

It’s a Christmas miracle!

 

THAT’S ALL I HAVE

It’s amazing how short my entries are when there’s not a whole lot going on in my life… lol. To be honest, it’s a refreshing change. J

But to end… with a song… this is one of those songs you only hear at this time of year. I love it.

 

Week 46

I  have been 42 for 46 weeks now.

It has been a full, full week… but I have made it out the other side…

 

Tossing in the Towel

I had been holding on to something that I have been spending the last month or so working on letting go.

Panda.

Panda and I go back years; we met one another when we were taking a class together. Panda doesn’t live on PEI year-round because he fishes off-Island from spring until mid-fall.

When Panda was on the Island last winter, we spent more time together while hanging out with a mutual friend (that he was living with at the time).

Then one stormy night I was at their friend’s house, playing music and drinking. I got storm-stayed…. yes, I went to my own bed in the spare room, but I didn’t stay there. I crawled into Panda’s bed and the two of us stayed up all night talking… and doing ‘grown-up’ things… but, mostly talking.

It was amazing. Anyways, the next little while the two of us hung out a lot… we went for coffee, we had lunch, we watched movies… we did lots of things together. We were essentially dating without actually calling it “dating”. He very quickly became my go-to person… he let me vent about my past relationship with Ray (Ray and I were broken up at this point… Ray and I broke up the day after my birthday although he and I didn’t talk about it or tell anyone for a while), we talked about my family, we talked about my hysterectomy, we talked about everything. Everything.

And then it was time for Panda to leave. We both knew it was going to happen and we went our separate ways without really wanting to say good-bye.

We remained close. As close as we could be with the distance between us– we texted a lot, we sent one another mail, we talked on the phone.

But we weren’t a relationship. We were never a relationship. Panda didn’t want one (or at least not one with me). You see, Panda is much, much older than me– 18 years older. I never noticed the age gap… I only noticed how loving, and funny, and sincere, and kind Panda is. Panda saw all my awesomeness, but was too hung up on the age gap. We were never a “relationship”, despite our hearts being occupied by one another.

I visited him for a weekend in the summer and it was fantastic, until the age thing became an issue again…but even as we parted, it seemed like it was something we needed to over-look.

Yet. We were never a relationship.

Panda didn’t come back to PEI after fishing season this fall because his momma has cancer and he stayed home to help her travel to and from her treatments and to care for her.

About six weeks ago I was asked out on a date by someone who wasn’t Panda– before I decided anything, I told Panda. I told him that I would feel like I was cheating on him if I were to go out with someone else…  but he told me I should go out on the date. I went on the date. It was okay, but not what (or who) I wanted. I told Panda all about it afterward.

Since then, however, I had been trying to distance myself from Panda. I wanted him to focus on his momma and not be distracted by me and I wanted to focus on myself and my own needs.

So, that’s what I was doing.

Then a few weeks ago we texted and he said his momma is finished her treatments and he wanted to come over to PEI for a visit before Christmas.

My heart jumped. And I was sucked right into Panda once again… we texted regularly and it was decided he’d come over the first weekend of December. Then it stormed… so he said he’d be over the second weekend of December (as in this past weekend).

On Tuesday I asked him how his plans were coming for the weekend. Later that evening he messaged me– he had been out for a coffee with a woman who asked him if he’d like to escort her to a Christmas party on the weekend. He then told me he planned on attending the party because he was excited to see lots of other people he hadn’t seen in a long time and was looking forward to letting off some steam.

I basically told him off. He told me to text him in a couple of days when I was less upset.

Wednesday morning I texted him. I told him that I was tossing in the towel. I was done. I told him that I am letting him go because he decided to not come to PEI so that he could, literally, go on a date with another woman. I also reminded him that HE was the one who made the plans to come over, and he knew how excited I was to have him come for a visit. I then reminded him that I have had a super shitty 2016 (and he is the only person that I have told EVERYTHING TO, he knows how shitty my 2016 has been) and I didn’t want to carry any of it into 2017.

So, in the end I was done.

I got home from work that evening, stood in the shower for 20 minutes and cried, then I hermited myself away in the basement while drank all the beer.

I drank all the beer. And I cried all the tears. And I processed all the bullshit. And I let my Panda go.

I was sad. I am no longer sad. I have processed it and I’m moving on.

Seriously though, this is just so fucking typical of my 2016. This year can’t be over soon enough. That being said, the rest of my week was pretty awesome!

 

Deck the Halls

Friday evening ‘T’ and I went out and bought a real tree for the house! We actually got it from a couple who live around the corner from my parents and are selling pre-cut trees on their front lawn. It cost us $20 AND the man delivered it to our door! We brought it inside and set it up on the tree stand and let it acclimatize to the house over Saturday.

On Sunday, Ivan, ‘T’, and I took some time to decorate the tree. We played the old classic Christmas tunes, drank some hot chocolate, laughed, and took our time putting all of the decorations up on the tree. It looks great! And all of us had such a fun time, which was something we all needed.

 

Christmas Shopping

Of course, it’s that time of year! Ivan and I spent the day together on Saturday and did all of our Christmas shopping. (Well, I didn’t get ALL of my shopping done, obviously, I couldn’t shop for Ivan when he was with me.)

It was so much fun! And, well, Ivan certainly has some very thoughtful (and interesting) choices for gift-giving… he’s a hoot. I can’t wait until people see what we got for them this year.

 

A Drive with the Ex

Yes, that’s right. Ray and I went for a drive on Sunday afternoon after ‘T’, Ivan, and I decorated the tree. As I was going through the Christmas stuff, I came across some of Ray’s stuff (some of it not inexpensive) that I figured he’d like to have back.

Ya. So we grabbed a coffee and took a random drive all over the place and talked about life. I told him about Panda (whom he did know about… this isn’t the first time we’ve hung out since our break-up, nor was this the first conversation we’ve had about Panda), and he talked about his girlfriend. It was nice to talk with him in a platonic, non-stressful way. I had a few moments of sadness, when I was thinking about some of our past Christmases and the fun we had with his family… but I also had a few moments of “oh yeah… THAT’S why we aren’t together…”

An aside: He’s in a relationship now… but she is not the right person for him (or maybe he isn’t the right person for her?). She might be good for now, but she isn’t good forever–  I can tell by the way he talks about her… I hope he doesn’t settle.

 

In Retrospect

The whole Panda thing seems super heavy, but really, I am good. I had a rough few days last week, but I am good. I have processed and I’m moving on. Don’t worry about me, I’m not worried.

 

To End… A Song

Yes. This one:

Week 45

I have been 42 for 45 weeks. 

THE FOOTBALL BANQUET

The Privateers had their year-end football banquet on Friday. It was for both the Varsity and Bantam teams and was held at in the ballroom of the Rodd Charlottetown. The whole evening was fantastic… the meal was great, the company was great, and it was nice to see the boys out of the football gear and looking so… not sweaty! lol

Ivan was nominated for both the “Offensive Player of the Year” and “Defensive Player of the Year”.  Yes, you read that correctly…. Ivan had a lot of field-time this year. To be fair, many of the guys on his team had a lot of field-time. Ivan did not get either of the awards (both went to senior players), but he was absolutely thrilled to be recognized for his hard work. I was thrilled too. I am proud of that kid. I’m proud of all the kids on both of the teams, but I’m really proud of my kid.

 

THE PUSH FOR A TURF FIELD

The Privateers are trying to get the City of Charlottetown to put in a CFL-sized within the city limits (specifically, near the Simmon’s Arena). The team isn’t coming at this from left-field as the City Council has already been having some discussions about some field improvements… so the Privateers are asking that an actual turf field be put in.

For some reason, I have decided that this is my ‘mission’. I think it is because I know how much football means to Ivan, and I know that kids are traveling out of Charlottetown to play for other teams because they have nicer facilities (and aren’t so far away!). One of the reasons why Ivan was nominated for both “Offensive Player of the Year” and “Defensive Player of the Year” is because the team was so small that lots of kids had to play the entire game. I think that with better facilities, more kids will join the team…

So I wrote a letter to my Ward representative, and I drafted a letter that other people can use to write to their own representatives, and I have a Facebook page, and I have even sent letters to all of the CFL teams in Canada asking them to write letters of support.

Like I said somewhere else, “Although a football field seems like a trivial item when considering all that is wrong in this world, it is not. A CFL-sized, turf football field is important… it’s important because it helps the football organization grow, it is important because it gives kids a place to go and blow off some steam, it is important because it encourages physical activity in this ‘glued-to-the-screen’ age. For these, and so many more reasons, a football field is important. Really. It is.” It is important because my kid is important and football is important to him.

Yes. So, write a letter. Use this one if you don’t know what to say:

Subject: Building of a CFL-sized turf field within city limits

Dear Councillor [Recipients Name],

I am writing to ask for your help in appealing to Mayor Clifford Lee and other council members for the development a CFL-sized turf football field at the Simmons Sports Field.

The City of Charlottetown already has a number of fantastic baseball and soccer fields, but it is lacking a suitable turf field designed specifically for football use. Because the Town of Cornwall has a remarkable turf field, many residents of Charlottetown are leaving the City to play football for the Cornwall Club instead of the Charlottetown Club. Furthermore, the Town of Stratford is already in the planning stages of their own turf field which will draw even more people from Charlottetown to play football outside the city. The City of Charlottetown is at risk of losing their only football organization because it does not have a regulation-sized field, with proper markings, uprights, and changing room facilities–something that a capital city should have.

In addition to promoting physical activity, football is a sport that helps kids develop hand-eye coordination, improve spatial recognition skills, and develop strategic and critical thinking. Furthermore, football is a sport that helps kids learn how to cooperate with others; it helps develop their confidence, integrity, and perseverance. Football is a team sport that can only be successful with the support of the players, coaches, parents, and community at large.

I am writing today to urge you to show the kids of Charlottetown that you are a part of their team. Please support the kids of Charlottetown by supporting the development of a CFL-sized turf football field at the Simmons Sports Field.

Sincerely,
[Sender’s Name]
[Sender’s Title]
[Sender’s email/telephone]

 

SATURDAY EVENING AT THE VICTORIAN CHRISTMAS

Salty had a booth on Queen Street and I handed out copies from 3-6. I wasn’t alone and I had loads of fun while I did it (albeit not dry or warm). It was great chatting and sharing stories and getting people interested in something that I’m working on… yes, a good time.

 

I’M JUST NOT FEELING IT THIS YEAR

Christmas. I’m not feeling it. Maybe because the sun hasn’t been out in days, or maybe because there is always such pressure to spend money, or maybe because this is the first Christmas I’ve been single in for a number of years… I don’t know, but I’m really struggling to find this ‘Christmas spirit’ that everyone else seems to have.

Ivan and I were at my parents’ place over the weekend and we helped put up their tree, and we talked Christmas stuff, and we had a nice supper… but still, I’m just not into it. I dunno. Christmas is still a few weeks away, perhaps something will perk me up before then.

 

TO END WITH A SONG

This is my favourite song of the season:

Week 44

I have been 42 for 44 weeks.

It has been a good week… as most of my weeks are. A little of this and a smattering of that combining to make it a fairly decent week.

 

DATE NIGHT WITH IVAN

Thursday night Ivan and I went on a date… dinner and a theatre show. He didn’t know anything about it; I just told him that we were going to hang out for the night. So after work I got home and cleaned myself up and told Ivan that he wasn’t allowed to wear shorts.

We went out for Chinese food at a local restaurant. The food was good, but the company and conversation was even better. Ivan and I chatted about our days, and about Christmas, and how school is going for him… much like what we do at home around the dinner table—only neither of us had to cook or clean!

After dinner we headed over to The Guild where ACT was presenting “The Laramie Project.” Produced by  Marla Haines, Paul Whelan directed an amazing bunch of actors (Kassinda Bulger, Guy Brun, Emily Anne Fullerton, Adam Gauthier, Keir Malone, Margaret MacEachern , Rory Starkman,  Tamara Steele, and Tim Wartman), who presented a truly remarkable piece of theatre. Based on true events from 1998, “The Laramie Project” is a series of ‘snippets’ that explore the aftermath of the horrific beating and death of Matthew Shepard, a gay university student.

It was a powerful show. I was moved to tears a number of times while watching it, and once in a while when I looked over at Ivan it was clear he was engrossed in it. The scene just before the intermission was especially poignant (as it goes into great detail about how Shepard was found beaten and left to die tied to a fence), I could hear Ivan say, “oh wow… oh my god…”

It was heavy. Very heavy. But amazing. I’m glad I took Ivan to the show, and we had a great conversation about it on the drive home. He’s even mentioned it a few times since then… clearly, it made an impact on him—the right kind of impact.

Also on the drive home, Ivan and I decided that we should have a date night once a month. So, that’s what we’re going to do!

 

SATURDAY NIGHT SILLINESS

I had some parents from the football family over for drinks and games. We played “Outburst”, which, I discovered, is perfect for two teams of three players. There was a lot of bursting out of words… and some painful silences as we wracked our heads for the right answers!

After “Outburst” we played “Speak Out”. Oh my dear fuck.

So… in teams again (we had two teams of three people), one person has a ridiculous-looking apparatus on their mouth which forces it to stay open. That person then has to read a random, nonsensical ‘sentence’ which his/her teammates have to guess.

The laughing… the drooling… the fussing round with the mouth guards… the comments that were made by the couple who had to share their mouth guard (only 5 came with the game, we were a party of 6). It was such a fun-filled evening with loads of laughs.

And of course we sat around and talked football for a while… of course!

Such a great time. Really.

 

SUNDAY REALLY WAS THE DAY OF REST

Yes. So I stayed up very late on Saturday night (really, it was Sunday morning…), so although I did get up at 10:00, I did very little on Sunday. My roomie and I made a trip out to a store for some envelopes, and then for some coffee, but other than that, I did very little. It was nice. I watched some shows on the computer box and cuddled with Bob the Cat under my electric blanket while the snowstorm kicked up a fuss. It was great. Relaxing… just what I needed.

 

FOR PANDA

Ugh. You. So close and yet so far… I miss your face.

 

TO END WITH A SONG

Because I like this one… you should look up the lyrics… this is a very good song.

 

Week 43

I have been 42 for 43 weeks now.

My life feels a lot more settled now that the play is over. After having a little down time to reflect on the whole experience, I am still so thankful I did it.

The days were ridiculously long, especially the two weeks leading up to the performance, and the driving back and forth from Georgetown was quite tiring, but I loved it.

This week seems so tame in comparison.

 

DINNER AND GAMES WITH FRIENDS

This actually happened in week 42, but I neglected to write about it in last week’s blog entry.

I hadn’t seen my friends ‘L’ and ‘R’ for a while. Well, that’s a bit of an untruth… I had seen them, but it was always at meeting for RoTV or for Salty; we hadn’t been able to spend much time together to just hang out and not “talk shop”. Last weekend they had me over for supper and afterward we played a couple of games. It was nice. Relaxing. We only brought up our projects for a couple of minutes when we needed to double-check some dates, but aside from that we just chatted and relaxed.

I had forgotten how nice it is to just chill and hang out with friends. It was nice to catch-up and shoot the shit without having to talk about ‘work-related’ stuff. I definitely need to do that again sometime in the not-too-distant future.

 

I TOLD IVAN THAT WE’LL HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN

My housemate told me a few weeks ago that she was putting the house up for sale, but I hadn’t talked to Ivan about it. Because my schedule was so busy, I didn’t want to just drop this bombshell and then take off. So I decided to wait until we had lots of time to talk about it and when I knew I didn’t have to be anywhere else for a while so that if Ivan had questions about anything, I would be around for him.

I told him that the house will be going up for sale in February and that we’ll have to move again. He was not happy. He wasn’t mad, or sad, but disappointed. We had a very long talk about it. He recognizes that it is out of my hands and he understands why ‘T’ has decided to sell the house. He is pretty disappointed that we’ll have been here for less than a year and we have to relocate again—I told him that I felt the same way. I also told him that if I had known that ‘T’ would end up deciding to sell the house, we wouldn’t have moved in here. Who the fuck wants to move twice in a year?! Not me. Not Ivan.

 

I MIGHT BUY A HOUSE

Forever I was dead-set against buying a house: I am not rich; I do not have a cushion of savings in the bank; I am the sole-support parent of a child for whom I get no child support; etc.; etc…

However, seeing the frustration and disappointment on Ivan’s face and hearing it in his voice, it has become clear to me that he’s sick of moving.

I am too.

I have decided to look into the possibility of buying a house. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone says “no, you cannot buy a house.” Regardless of what any banker says, I have to move… so, why not just look into getting a house?

I don’t have a lot of money. It will not be a fancy house, but if I could pick something up that is reasonably priced…I’m handy, I can do simple repairs on my own… it’d be nice to know that we won’t have to move again any time soon.

I feel like it is a complete long-shot, and a bit of a Hail Mary…but why not just talk to some people, weigh my options, and then see where things may go from there?

 

RAISED ON TELEVISION

The rehearsal for RoTV happened this week. So exciting! We had 24 people sign up for an audition and six of the directors got to see some very talented people read for them… the directors then discussed who they wanted—both on the room and after the auditions were over. They let me know who they wanted and I phoned/emailed people with a “yes” or “no” (why do I volunteer for these tasks… I always feel terrible having to let someone know they were unsuccessful with their audition?!).

I feel like it is all becoming so real now.

Lots to do though: develop a marketing/promotion strategy; get rehearsal space; find sponsorship… make sure all of the directors and actors are relatively happy… so many things… I love it though. I love this sort of pressure-filled work. It’s fun for me!

 

WHAT?! A VISIT FROM PANDA?!

Oh my dear google… I was chatting with Panda earlier this week and was told that a trip to PEI before Christmas is in order. Then TODAY Panda told me that the weekend of December 2 looks like a good weekend for PEI. I haven’t seen my Panda in months… life has been crazy for both of us… moreso for Panda who has been helping the momma with her cancer treatments (fuck you, cancer!)

Regardless of the amount of time that has passed… I cannot fucking wait to see Panda. Hopefully everything can go as planned!

Panda, sometimes I miss you so much it hurts.

 

To end. I like this song:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week 41-42ish

I have been 42 for almost 42 weeks now.

I know, I know… I have not updated my blog in weeks—25 days to be exact.

To be fair though, I have been really, really busy and once you read all about it, you’ll understand why I have neglected my blog.

Where to start?!

 

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

It was an amazing show. I am so glad that I got to be a part of it. I tried hard to avoid the rehearsals as much as possible because I wanted to enjoy the show on opening night. I went to two of the rehearsals, briefly, for some ‘business’, but was able to take off without seeing or hearing too much of the show.

Ivan and I went to opening night, and it was fantastic! The set looked great, the costumes were perfection, and the actors/actresses were just amazing. Everyone sounded great! I loved it.

Ivan also loved it. He really enjoyed the dentist, Orin Scrivello, and of course he loved Audrey II as well. I was impressed with Ivan’s singing on the drive home from the show “Little Shop, Little Shop of Horrors…”.  I haven’t taken Ivan to much live theatre but I am really glad he came to this one with me—it was a great ‘date night’.

The show closed on Sunday and I was around to help with the tear-down and transporting of the set, costumes, and props back to the warehouse. Afterward, there was a cast party at The Merchantman Pub where everyone sat around and shared stories while enjoying each other’s company. What a great group of people…. Really. I feel lucky to have met so many amazingly talented folk.

Overall, the experience was definitely a good one, and I hope to do something like it again in the not-too-distant future!

 

WAITING FOR THE PARADE

The main reason I haven’t been updating my blog regularly is because of the rehearsal schedule for ‘Waiting for the Parade’. For example, every day last week I left my house at 7:40 to go to work. Left work at 5:00, picked up the girls and headed straight out to Georgetown. I got home between 11:00 and 12:00 each night. It was a very, very busy schedule.

However, we only had a few weeks to get the show put together, so we had to rehearse whenever possible.

The show was on November 10 and 11. Opening night I was so exhausted, and the audience was so interactive that I found myself having a hard time staying in character. There were a couple of times when I giggled, or hid myself on stage in an effort to not show my laughter. I know, I know, it wasn’t very professional of me. I tried though.

Friday night was entirely different. I was able to relax before the show and I felt really calm. The audience was completely different—they were quieter than Thursday night’s audience—they were more like what I was expecting the audience to be like.

Honestly, both nights were fantastic. Everyone that I spoke with (and I had people at both Thursday and Friday nights’ performances) really loved the show.

The football family took Ivan to Friday night’s show.

My character dies near the end of the play and apparently he said, “Oh no… my mama!” What a kid.

On Saturday morning I woke up and realized I didn’t need to head out to Georgetown for rehearsals any more—it was nice to know I have some time on my hands again… but sad too.

It was all so fast. We rehearsed and performed a 2-hour long show in 5 weeks. Crazy.

The women I worked with are amazing too. I hope that we’ll get to do something together in the future!

 

DONALD TRUMP

Yeah. So that happened.

Ugh. What a fucking asshole.

 

RAISED ON TELEVISION

Have I talked about this yet?

One day I was hanging out with my friend, R and he was telling me about an idea he had for a theatrical show. As I listened, I realized that it sounded like a fun thing to work on, so I said, “Let’s do it!”

So, yes. R and I are co-producing a show called Raised on Television. Auditions for the show are tomorrow. Rehearsals will happen over the coming months, and the show itself will take place on February 24 & 25.

Here’s a little about the show:

Raised on Television is multimedia theatrical event being created to explore how television (and the way we view/consume it) has changed and how television has changed us. Through sketches and homage led by various Island directors, retro commercial breaks, and possibly even some theme songs Raised on Television wants to reveal the medium of television and everything it represents: the good, the bad, the tawdry, the commercial, the uplifting. We have gathered 7 directors who have chosen a scene from a show that will recreate (in the form of a parody) on stage.

Additionally, interspersed between scenes, the audience will be able to enjoy re-watching some of their favourite TV commercials projected on a screen, commercials like the classic “Where’s the Beef?” ad from Wendy’s back in the early 1980s. By show’s end, it is our hope that the audience will leave feeling a giddy nostalgia…reflecting on the serious, silly, and absurd moments on television that influenced who we are today.

I am so, so, so excited about this project. I hope it is the exact thing people need to help get them out of the winter doldrums come February.

Yes. So in addition to LSoH and Waiting, I have been working on some of the behind-the-scenes stuff for RoTV. I have been busy! See?! That’s why I have been so slack on this blog.

 

WE HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN

So my housemate has decided to sell her house. She is moving out west to live with the love of her life. I can’t blame her… I am a big believer in holding tightly onto what makes you happy.

She is ridiculously in love; her girlfriend is ridiculously in love with her. They are in love and the distance between the two just isn’t what either of them wants.

Come February, the house will be going on the market and Ivan and I will have to move again.

Before you ask, no, I will not buy this house. Even if I wanted to, I can’t afford it. I am the sole-support parent of a teenaged boy… I cannot afford to take on a mortgage and the financial responsibility of a house.

So. Ya. That fucking sucks though.

Seems so typical and fitting for my year though; very little of it has gone smoothly or with any sort of sense to it at all. So yes, moving in the middle of winter seems exactly like the way this 42^nd year of mine should end, shouldn’t it?

 

I DON’T LIKE BEING SINGLE

I have realized that in the past month. I am done with being single… lol. I mean, I AM single, but I am very ready to no longer be single. I miss having someone to share life’s experiences with… you know, all the good stuff that comes along with being in a relationship.

I think that if I am still single by my birthday, my next blog will be about my experiences in the ‘dating’ scene on PEI. I’ll let my friends set me up on blind dates, and they can write an online profile for me, and be open to the adventure.

Who knows though… maybe I’ll meet someone before then? lol

 

TO END

I am back on track. Life is a little less hectic now, and I will be more regular with my blog entries. And now to end with a song… I sang this in ‘Waiting for the Parade’: